a melody of johann

and you got me thinking, sir. tapping away, and humming. to the tunes of a voluptuous roar of cello ensembles and quartets. i wanted to be a musician. once upon a time. a concert pianist. and i wanted to live a dream. through my melody. through the cadence and chords of all the crescendos i had once composed. walking into a hall. with a million eye balls. and fidgety heart beats. and i'd swing my head back. and strike the chord. as if my force wove a garland of rhyme. so beautiful and kind.

as a matter of fact, pachelbel's canon in d was one of the first baroque pieces i studied for my diploma in solo piano. when i used to be this little ragamuffin pricking around trinity college. in greenwich. and i remember, how i held the baton. ha, that at the age of thirteen. my naive finger joints trembling to an immature nervousness. and i heaved and sighed. for over twenty-seven seconds. until i raised the wood to the beauty of cellists and fiddlers. crying upon a melody so beautiful. so mellow. alternating between thunderous crescendos and coy diminuendos. the tremelos on the violin. like strumming on silk. and i wept for a while. taking it all in. thinking i was a musician. thinking i could, one twilit evening, conduct the philarmonic in royal albert.

well that never happened. and i didn't listen to the canon till you reminded me. the day before yesterday. and while i ploughed through the archives to listen to the tune. at three o clock this morning. i felt the same. the lingering beauty of d major and semi-tones. the sanctity of matrimony. in the dainty yawns of the columns down at the palazzo. thank you for reminding me B. the music flutters in my soul. and it will, for the next few weeks.

i miss you love. and your dainty lips. and your gentle bosom. and the texture of your smile. i hope you are doing well.

mariage et eccentricists!

i loved talking to you today. after so many years. since we had spoken. and i don't remember why we turned our backs. awkward, at start. reluctance and a very bitter angst that formed this bridge. you told me not to save lives, one sunny morning up in nottingham. and i remember. my unbelievable rage. because you broke a piece of my flesh.

but thank you for talking today.

it's been a fast few days. i feel like i've been skipping steps. yet trundling. a weird concoction of feelings. i know. and i also heard the tinkerbells today. and oh what a beautiful sight of the palazzo ballroom. elle est belle! and it's funny. because my little great grand mother, got married in a quaint old church in cinnaminson. many years ago. and those stories that i hear make me chuckle and smile. at the same time. and maybe, with this pre-formed association with cinnaminson, i perceive this "palais" as a craft of beauty and genius. under the crease of shy tapestry. a moody whim of dangling chandeliers. an aroma of wine and joy. carven marble and glazy granite. like a chiaroscuro of beauty and hazel elegance. and shimmering goblets. and a chime of melody. laced with drips of molten silk. i'm smiling. all the best to B and L. tous mes meilleurs voeux pour votre mariage.

they used to say, at brick lane, around seventy seven years ago, there used to be a hall of fame. for the eccentricists and dictated narcissists and grouchy old philatelists. and i believe, they used to have some street performers. who earned a name for combing silk. i remembered that today. we used to go there remember? across the river? on the east side of the Thames?

a boston afternoon

i have never walked so much in my life. in that heat. talking about bikes. in the rain. where i didn't care for the mugginess. and the tiny toads leaping around. on the dry barren straw.

and by the river, when it was dark, we spoke so much about life. scrolling down pages and pages, and scribbles of endless philosophy. oh how i loved the days. this weekend.

thank you. AL.

gordon and the basic sciences

i have a very strange feeling of liberation poking inside me for the past few days. and it feels great. as if exempt from a constant time trial. i feel brilliant. and peaceful. and at complete ease.

also, i'm loving them all. the work, the people, the food, auntyji... they're wonderful. i still think B. is my favorite person. he's an eclectic mix of anticipation, suspense, crudeness, and confidence. that's the word i was looking for -confidence. i hate people who stutter and fumble at every decision. people who screen across walls and lamp posts when asked a question. it just bugs me to no end. anyway, to get back to the point, i simply admire some of his virtues.

i also had a solid fist-pump moment today, when i went into the BRI. i've been wanting to go inside the building ever since i got here, but these silly security personnel just never would. so i had the perfect opportunity to go inside today. scrounge, you may say. but i don't think that way. anywho, i got to see gordon hall, and it was fucking fantastic. the marble glittering on the stairwell, with portraits of some of the wonders of medical science. my oh my, i loved it.

surgery tomorrow. by the way, the session on transapical catheter-assisted aortic valve session was awesome this morning.

an evening to remember

i walked down those corridors. earlier this evening. when the sun was almost setting, and the sky looked ablaze. with melodies of the greatest. with names and wonderments. and i was baffled. oh dear god. at the might and power and glory of an institution. of the intelligence that floats amass. in the little quadrangle. where those midgets spoke of the iraqi war and mechanics. 

and two passers-by gaped at me in the most unusual of ways. i peeked at their partially-open lips through the corner of my left eye. my other self was too focused. on the walls and shelves. of the mighty revolutionaries who once rose in the name of scientific innovations.

i had a beautiful evening. an evening i have waited for in months and months. an evening which made me cry in the middle of the stony quadrangle, decorated with stars. and bright cherry blossoms. 

i felt the breeze. by the river charles, where millions of hands have washed their bloods. and sailed across shores in the search of knowledge and truth. honestly, one of the best evenings of my life. 

deerfield

it's funny. i met this guy in the hospital. a charming young man with very a fine taste, you can tell by the choice of his clothing. introduces himself. very coyly. from deerfield, il.

goes here now. some of his tales brought back a lot of memories of a single winter evening. aah...i loved it that night. on the grass. when the ice and snow, a paltry mix of checkers and rye. on my face. my fingers, numb and painless.

it's been good here so far. heard some bad news today about KD. i'm kinda not happy about the decision...but oh well. things happen for a reason i guess.

note

it's been a wonderful past few days. i can't even explain in words. i've had some quiet moments. some realizations. some really depressing moments. but some really good ones too.

i'm really liking this lab i joined. the people are challenging and i'm still trying to get into the loop. have to admit, the PI has been very generous with letting me do things.

and amidst all this science, i've had time to think. to think about what it means to be where i am. how life is different from how it used to be. and i take it all with a silent gulp. because i'm more concerned about this future of mine. about this future of ours.

quaint and eccentric

quincy market and boston common