Friday, February 13, 2009

for you


this is the least i want to do for you. i'm not a believer in expensive gifts, i've told you that before. so i wanted to write to you and let you know the meaning of my words. yes. this is for you.

i've thought about those words trilling in your voice. the hush and sonority of your emotions pouring out into the darkness of a closed book case. i will not lie. i felt the digression hitting me on my face. i felt the reality slipping away to the tunes of an unsung song, wrapped and coned in a blanket of blur. losing myself.

and i lit a candle in your name, in the darkness of 3 am. in the hallway, where a flurry of shuffled feet ricocheted into silence. you cannot imagine this illegal portrait of self-caricature. of broken rhythms crackling through this grease. the fluid moonshine on the grass. and i think i saw my reflection. on a mirror by the sweat.

i just wanted to apologize to you for the thick wall which developed. all of a sudden, from a parallel to the square. my words may seem meaningless today, and my emotionality -an open rupture of redemptive strides; but i swear there is a meaning to all this. there is a back-pull that i have felt. in your eyes, which sometimes tire. in your smile, which sometimes weep. in your smell, which sometimes cringe. and in this shady architecture of thick and thin, of greed and rage, of milk and dusk -you will be in my heart. forever.

i promise.

Friday, February 6, 2009

five notations


this is for you. if you think you know me well enough, you should know who this is for.

i read through it again. and i felt a little unsettled. i don't know whether i would describe it as a sporadic sting racing through my being or more of an unclear smokiness of thoughts. but sometimes i feel tangled in this web. sometimes untangled. sometimes dubious. sometimes unwanted. sometimes doubted and mis-spelt. don't get me wrong. this is not about me.

but i feel scared for you. you know, even a few weeks ago, i had really wanted to question your frivolity. your sense of personal gravitation really made me question your ability to float onto the drift of situation and consequence. and i have often tried to muse and find self-fulfilling explanations to many of those. and you know what i love the most? your ability to distinguish the white from coal.

i think you did the right thing. trust me, i have full faith and confidence in you. and i know you are a responsible individual to make the radical choices. i know you analyze reflections and shadows in your moments of solitude. and i know you have tears dripping through your conscience because of this momentary disillusionment. this discomforting spiral of falling out and creeping frustrations that nudge at your sleeves. and i can see how you make an effort to hem it all together. you are the master of your choices. i know. i know i have said that at least half a dozen times before. but i have faith in you. i know you did the right thing.

in your little maze of secrets, just know this. this world is your cornerstone.

imagine.

note

i will write a note for you tomorrow. i promise. i have something to say. i feel afraid of being repetitive, but i will write it for you tomorrow.

the world is your cornerstone. imagine.