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and i would hold your hand, little pebbles, and tell you that i love you.

if you promised me. without sneering. and told me your song. and played the reeds for a million moments. across the halls and the walkways, where we walk through wonderment.

if i had a rainbow on my chin, i would art it on your face. for a time, when you forget sunshine.

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if you were real, i would hold on to you.

but i wept that one night, and gave you away.

on words. i could never imagine.

today is the day for recompense. we will smile, yes. emotionless.

but why would you lie to me, mister x?

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i don't remember you.

anymore.

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and i saw the storm. trickle by trickle.

and remembered when i sat by the lamp, combing my hair. and i smiled at my own reflection in the mirror. fleeting thoughts -once unrealistic, but real today.

but i still smile.

sometimes.

august fourteen

remember when your fingers froze. that one night?

oh i forget, it's you.

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i will call you the master of spices.

i found a piece of your nail today.

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you burning hypocrite.

i know your truth.

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i thought about you for a very long time today.

and i imagined a piece of glass. by the window, across the lane. and when the little kids bicycled along the power lines, they left a trail. incomplete and patchy.

but the story never ended. i am not sure how or where it began. and i bet i never will. such is the nature of our demonstration. your fury blazing on a canvas across the wall. and i leap over the windows, and the wall that you built.

if i could pull out an item from the box, i would pull out water. so that you would see your face. and your half-smiles.

open your door sometimes. there's a sparkle on your face.

summer song

and this is a summer song i wrote while you were away. a probable collage of confessions and thoughts. forgive me if it hurts. i promise, i mean every word i say.

i will not hesitate to say that your selfishness lines your smile. that your fingers curl up to grip a desire. unexpressed yet meant. and when i see you next, i will laugh within. you will never know who you are. and when i slip away into the shade, you will lose my trail. forever, with no return. and i will be honest, when i saw your tassels the other day, it made me laugh. it made me laugh not because of you, but because of me. because i learned my folly, after so many days.

and when i went back home that one time, i ran around the streets imagining you were here. what if you had fathered a vision that i had never known. and you lied to me. endlessly. for the sake of motion. for the sake of twining around the spiral. the spiral where your shadows fall into the pit.

but you don't realize that this world is a maze. a maze where you forget the ends. without escape. a maze where you smile. repeatedly. because that is the key to the nearby exit.

mister y, go away.

shore line

mister z, i licked the waves.

and i smelled the sand. scorching through my nose, that sweet smell of a rainless shore. and they say, the hurricane ate her flesh.

four years have passed.

and while i swam, i thought of you.

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i'd say, erase this doubt.

and look at your face on the half-formed waves.

you will find solidarity in the specks. i swear.

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if i could open my eyes, and say good bye to you, little rainbow, i'd paint the sky with stars.

my heart would be in your fist. i swear, you are nowhere to be found.

anymore.

a note

i believe i have never told you the story of my mud house.

and one monsoon, eight months after your birth - they burned my house. with fuming gasoline and tar. i still have a little piece of the molten iron from the door by the alley -scribbled 'sin' across its diagonal. in a bold red; possibly pastel. with the stench of cold, moaning gasoline drips and smudged finger prints. i wish they were mine- little concentric lines piling into a spot.

so many days have passed by. mister x, i still smell your sweat.

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and mister X, thank you for your time. i appreciate your tenderness.

and mister Y, thank you for your patience. i appreciate your care.

and mister Z, thank you for your gratitude. i love your heart. more so, this one phone conversation which we had. a long time ago. i am sure you have forgotten -do not worry. for, i learned you are a man.