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sometimes when you break. you are in so many pieces that rebuilding seems like an impossibility. it does not even seem like a hopeful endeavor. it seems pointless. it seems childish and child-like. and you lose your soul. you lose so much. the tears are only a small part, i promise. you set aside all the endeared memorabilia that you collected over the years. little pebbles you stored in a jar. thinking, one day, you and i will go back to the storm and paint a rhyme with those.

sometimes it takes a loss. sometimes, a gain. and sometimes, a rejection. many rejections. it takes a while to crawl back into the home that you called home. your sisters, brothers, cousins and uncles are so seethed in their own, that they forgot you were lost. but you never went home. you went out to the world instead. and you played the guitar in subway stops and chai bars. you wanted to cure those children who were born with hearts that would kill. take a flurry of streamers and decorate a face. saying to yourself, let me start again. one by one. let us build a bridge.

and sometimes, in life, you learn to re-believe. is that realism? you ask. is that realistic? i ask. what of the jealous bastards? those stones you wore around your waist, where are they now? you have an outlet, to scream. to cry. to vandalize a wall of hopes. you learn to re-believe. you pull out your cups and pans. your old memorabilia from the lonely dresser.

and walk to the mirror. drop a tear ball. and start from zero.