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i love your high school monotone.

so much.

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and it rained this evening. like it would at home. aunty ann and i would sit outside in the porch and sip cups and cups of rain water with lemon drops. and talk about old memories that made us cry. and i remembered you in the middle of it all.

sometimes, i wish i had undone time. for all the times i had gotten angry, really angry, i wish i could throw out those words at you. little shards of emotions buried in the deck. i will play them one day. and you will never learn the trick. i promise you that.

but you made me a dream catcher out of a fairy man. and i realized those wings were elastic. very early. very very early. and out of my caution, i did not say anything. never will. you dissolve conviction in self-confusion. and it amuses me, really.

i wish success on your smile. send me a note when you stretch.

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and i would hold your hand, little pebbles, and tell you that i love you.

if you promised me. without sneering. and told me your song. and played the reeds for a million moments. across the halls and the walkways, where we walk through wonderment.

if i had a rainbow on my chin, i would art it on your face. for a time, when you forget sunshine.

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if you were real, i would hold on to you.

but i wept that one night, and gave you away.

on words. i could never imagine.

today is the day for recompense. we will smile, yes. emotionless.

but why would you lie to me, mister x?

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i don't remember you.

anymore.

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and i saw the storm. trickle by trickle.

and remembered when i sat by the lamp, combing my hair. and i smiled at my own reflection in the mirror. fleeting thoughts -once unrealistic, but real today.

but i still smile.

sometimes.

august fourteen

remember when your fingers froze. that one night?

oh i forget, it's you.