note

to those three people in my life, who gave me comfort and joy, i want to thank you today.
one is lost, one is gained, one is fading.

i can feel the pulse of this whirl of change. a strange numbness creeping in every day. not that i know the reason, nor do i think i ever will. it's a sort of make or break array. it makes me laugh -the fact that i envisioned this. so subtle and smooth. and i stand at this spot. questioning questions and swatting hopes.

remember when we used to sit and count water drops? the gurgling rain by the window pane, spread across a netted screen. peaceful and calm, you would talk of strangers and candle stands. and bow your fingers in the shape of stars.

it feels like home again. i swear. awkward, yes. like a narrow displacement to a place that wasn't mine. oh listen, why did we come home again? because you said let's run away from this rage. and i said but this rage never ends. so what you said, and pushed my hand away from your chest. but i want to go home. why would they be jealous of me i ask you. and you keep quiet.